streesed and depressed.

Boy gee did I screw up. I was going to blog about another topic i had in mind, well that didn't work as planned. In fact I got more depressed about the events that happened today. It's quite a story, but lets see if I'm able to sum it up in a simple and clear blog post. :)

This morning I heard from my brother that I was kicked from my guild in the World of Warcraft. My initial reaction was the usual, "WTF? How?" Let's just say I'm not a happy camper. :( I would love to had explained certain things, but I fell that I was ignored and mis-communicated on a lot of guild related things. It would have been nice to leave the guild with a good bye post or a good bye wave in guild chat, but that never happened.

Has the removal been a good thing? Perhaps could I see myself doing more things other than the World of Warcraft? It came to me that maybe I play the game way to much and could it be hazardous to my health and social well being? I heard numerous stories about people losing marriages over MMORPG's, but this is about a marriage. It's more Real Life versus In-Game. I enjoy doing activities and engaging in social conversations in each, but is the In Game reality consuming me? I think not!

When I play, I find myself enjoying it when I'm with people I know in real life or people I've gotten to know a lot better, like my sweet online boyfriend, Parker. Every day we find out something new that either have some similarity to it or some strange fact that we least expected.

My twin brother also plays the game and we seem to enjoy doing things together. (i.e. quests, instances, and having fun) Without the game, how would we be able to talk to each other on a daily basis? Once a night never seems to work because either I'm studying diligently, having a bad mood, or one of us is found sleeping before 10:30pm. We could still talk on AIM or MSN, but being together on a quest or goal gives us that sense of being connected. Whatever it is, all i know is that it's a twin thing and I'm very grateful that I have someone that close to me who I can share and have fun with. There are some things I could cry over, but again that's a different topic to discuss later. It just occurred to me that we never really had gotten a photo of us other than our senior portraits in high school. And believe me, those are outdated pictures. We both looked differently than we did in high school. Maybe sometime in the summer, we both can spend a few extra bucks and get a a few portraits done by a photographer. It would be great to show people something more current.

Now what would come to me if I didn't have the World of Warcraft? Would I go clinical insane? or Would I be bored out of mind. I'd have plenty of free time, but what would I do with all this free time? Probably bore myself to insanity. World of Warcraft not only has been occupying some of my life, but it's given me something to do. Without the World of Warcraft, it would be kinda boring. Unless I decide to go drinking everyweekend, but that's way too overrated. Getting drunk on occasion, or special occasions seems to be more fun.

Am I what you call an addict to the World of Warcraft? God I hope not. When I think of the word addict, I start to think of a person who devotes most or all of his time to playing World of Warcraft. I spend most of my time playing, but I try to moderate myself. Moderating myself to a point where I'm actively engaging socially outside the In-Game realm. When I think of my brother playing the game, I don't think as if he was and addict. I seriously think if we both had more of a social life back in high school we wouldn't be socially disgusted with ourselves. I may be preaching to the choir but in fact me any my brothers social life sucked. There are times where I wish my dad would have let us go out and experience life has an individual teenager, but no.... he insisted that we stay home and be safe. What we usually did was sit on the computer and play online games. What a life in high school, sigh.

I never really had thought about going to college when I was in high school, but I know I didn't want to stay at home after i turned 18 or 19. I went on into higher education with pretty much one goal in mind, "Be more independent and give myself more freedom from being at home." Like what the good o' saying from ma or pa, "You live under my roof, You live under my rules." I hated that rule and wish that rule was never established in our household. My brother tried to do the same thing I did by going to the local university in town, but never made it passed the first semester. In fact if i recall correctly, I never really made it my first semester at college. I was on Academic Probation and pretty much had to work my best to get out of it. Seeing that we are identical twins, "If I can do it, then I know for certain that he can do it too."

It's always been my major concern in my life to look after each other. Seriously, when your close as we are, you do wanna make sure that we both are doing good. Hence why at times we enjoy talking on the cell phone for hours about specific things in our life or in-game.

I remember a time when we both got so mad at our parents, we even considered looking for a apartment to try and live on our own. But I almost hate to admit that even though our parents provide us with a lot of things, sometimes I wish we could of been given more freedom. Even today, my brother is limited in what he can do to be more independent and I wish/pray that some day we both will be equally independent. Even when I do graduated from this university, I know that I would love to get an apartment with him. I already know that wherever I may get a job that uses my degree, I want him with me. Not as a boyfriend, but as my twin and supporter.

I've already got an online boyfriend whom we seem to have stuff in common. :) <3 href="http://fourtyblocks.blogspot.com/">Nate who has been a great friend along with Nicole, (who I can never get her blog address correct, because its too friggin long!) who enjoys reading my posts. Even if there long as hell, she will always take the time to read what's going on in her friend's life. I also try my best to read and comment their blogs as well.

I think I need to end it here. Feel free to send me and e-mail: thousey at gmail dot com. I know it says timiswaiting at gmail dot com, but hardly check that. Just send it to my main e-mail address and I'll read your comments and reply back. Thanks! =) <3

Doh! I just remembered a topic i wanted to briefly talk about. "Is majoring in Radio/TV/Film something I'd like to pursue?"This topic occurred to me briefly, but it's something I may want to consider. The topic brings me back into time where I'm trying to decided on a major and minor. It was a conversation between my older brother Josh as we were trying to figure out which major I could benefit most from.

We looked at the majors and minors that Oshkosh had to offer and eliminated one by one of things I was interested in. It ended up with Radio/TV/Film, but is that something I want to pursue as a career? I can't honestly answer that because the more I look into it now, does the major reflect some of my interests? It has for the most part, but pretty much the technology and computer part to the major.

I don't even know why this thought came to me, but could it be true? Could there be another major that'll suit my needs? I was almost thinking about trying to schedule an appointment with a counselor about doing a personality test and then figuring based on the results what an ideal major may be. Is RTF for me? Is Journalism for me? Both questions i think should be answered soon.

BeatByte!

Woot! Mothergoose (Nicole) finally let me do this solo. No not really, she just got a little drunk. I suppose I owed her for getting drunk with Mark that one weekend.

Here's the playlist for today's show! Enjoy! :P

Feel Like God - Warp Brothers
Halcyon - Andy Moor
Shivers - Armin Van Burren
Adrenalin - Active Sight
Air for Life - Andy Moor
Drifting Away - Lange Feat. Skye
4u - Brian Cross
Without Your Near - Markus Schultz
Burned with Desire - Armin Van Burren
Traffic - Tiesto
Tribal Dance - 2 Unlimited
Warriors of Love - Clubgroovers
Feel Fine - Tune Up!
Losing Love - Milk Inc.
Everytime We Touch - Cascada
Whisper - Milk Inc
Revolution - DJ Klubbingman
Harder - Deepforces
We Are The Best - Pimp Code!
A Neverending Dream - Casada
Popcorn - Verano
Crazy Frong - Axel F
I'm Your Basscreator - Basshunter
Can't Sleep - Above and Beyond
Kernkraft 400 - Zombie Nation

Days till DDay: 20

To my amazement, theres twenty days left in the semester. (starting tommrrow) To some that is a sign of relief but to me it's a sign that I need to get my hamster rolling and start getting shit done.

Tests, quizes, projects... it all has to be done. The one class I'm worried about is Comm229. (Radio/TV News) Theres alot of projects that were assigned and I'm just worried that it'll overwhelm me, god I hope not. Based on what I can remember, theres an Interview paper due, and a few television projects due on the 10th of May.

I get my PDA monday, UPS doesn't deliver on Saturdays. )= All that extra cash for Overnight shipping and it's going to get here Monday. I wonder if I can snag a refund. Probably not.

Scheduling for my LC job is set for Tuesday and I don't even have a full Fall'07 semester schedule set. God I hope I can work out something, maybe retaking classes that I got poor grades in might be best. An attempt to boost my GPA to a point where I can take upper level courses.

Academic Computing is in the process of hiring two new student interns for the summer and upcoming semesters. Thanks to Kristi, (i love you soo much for letting me know this) I may have the chance to become an intern.

i love it

very nice remix to "Cosmic Gate - Firewire"

I'm Just a Kid!

woot for imeem! (signup now!)

try first and save money!

Hmm, it just occurred to me that i should wait with the Pocket PC. I should at least try using a planner or something similar. Let's see if I can utilize it and not spend three hundred and fifty dollars now, I've pretty much saved a lot of money! So taking this approach might be better. ;)

My So-Called Plan: Use the student planner for the rest of the semester, while saving money to buy a Pocket PC. If it works, great! Maybe I don't have to spend money on it. If it doesn't I should have some money saved up for it.

More Details: What I can do to determine whats due and so that I'm more organized with the rest of the semester, I should consider looking at the syllabus for any projects, tests and assignments that are upcoming and put them into a list format, with a short description about that assignment. If confused about a particular assignment or that I feel I'm missing something, I can always e-mail the professor about stuff.

>>> Oh boy I love it when I get good ideas! woot!

Le Sigh.

Ohh for the love of Jebus Rice... Gosh damnit! I had such a beautiful blog post explaining my dillema with my decision to whether or not to purchase this Pocket PC.

It was perfect and long, but Blogger must have not saved it. A few minutes before my shift was almost done, I had clicked "Save As Draft" and it looked like everything was saved, but it didn't. Just when the Lab Consultant got there, somehow I just saw all mystuff disappear and it asked me to login into my Google Account. /le sigh

I have no ambition to re-write the post, simply because I have a test at 5 PM and I need to study for it. I had studied last night, by reveiwing and highlighting stuff in the chapters yet I find myself in Radford for a whole THREE HOURS typing like a zombie in the same position. I had music though. I even said to myself that it was getting late because it was either 1 am or 2 pm, yet I still continued because I had to finish my task. Maybe I do "hyperfocus" once in a while, but still that was strange.

Aside from all that, I'm just happy that Joost finally gave me three invites to their "beta" service. I guess all that time watching it Sunday night was worth it.

To quickly sum up in a nutshell of what I was trying to blog about before it got erased, I was debating whether or not this Pocket PC was even worth the Three Hundred and Fifty Dollars. I had pretty much written a story about how I'am doing financially and without it I can't really state how I'm doing it. Your probably thinking to yourself that I may be having a bit of a rough time finanically, But lemme give you one word, "creditcard" (or maybe thats two words)

The only possible way for me to pay for this PocketPC would be to charge it on my credit card. I know, it's probably something I should try and not do, especially since I may be getting a car soon. Well hopefully, but gee golly I hope it'll go through. This summer might be a bit better with it.

I spent half my shift trying to re-write this post by keeping it simple, yet I think I did a good job on writing alot. It's not exactly what I wrote before, but I'm sure you'll get the point.

Yet, everyday I waste by not ordering this Pocket PC, the more time I waste in keeping my life all organized. Maybe I just need to talk to someone about it, but who?

weekend in review

I'm not gonna go into to many details on how my weekend went, but lemme remind you that It felt as if I didn't get anything accomplished.

Friday night was great. Going on our third White Castle adventure with my friends. It was great, and I even ate 15 out of the 30 sliders in my Crave Case. Like my doctor told me earlier that day, I should take one or two lactaid pills before eating anything dairy. But I think it's the cheese that my stomach dislikes.

Saturday was interesting. I had my lab shift like any other Saturday, but it felt as if I had a million of ideas and thoughts rushing into my mind. Of course I'm trying to get all this done, but in the end only a few was actually finished. I ended my shift with a feeling of disappointment, because I had accomplished little or nothing. Yes, I did take my medication that day, and I felt that it wasn't delayed. (but it was probably my "let's not do anything on a saturday" mindset)

That night as many of you all remember, Timmy got drunk, wasted, sloshed, hammered, or plastered.(however you define, "being intoxicated" on a night out to the bars) It was Mark's 1st's twenty-first weekend and of course being a good friend of his, I had to partake in the celebration. A recommendation from my older brother, Travis. I were too order a drink called the, "Three Wise Men." (i thought this picture was funny and would add a bit of humor to my blog post. lol.)Not knowing what we were up against with, we decided to take the plunge. Till that moment we ordered as much as we can, so that Mark can fulfil his life experience in being, "drunk, wasted, sloshed, hammered, or plastered." Theres alot more I could talk about Saturday night, but to keep this post, "short and simple," I'm going to end the night here.

Sunday, was possibly the worst day out of my weekend. I didn't take my meds, because I didn't want that to affect the hangover. Plus it was a bit too late to have taken the pill. But aside from not really accomplishing anything, it was the hangover that did it. The one thing I wish would never happen, but has to happen in order to complete the cycle of being, "drunk, wasted, sloshed, hammered, or plastered."

I was sleeping on the couch of my friend's apartment for quite some time, and I finally got out of that place at around 2pm. Nicole wanted me to purchase some wine for tonite, but I had refused. All I wanted to do was play World of Warcraft that evening in relaxation. Yet I found myself watching episodes on Joost (in beta), and watching videos of Bob Ross's soothing voice as he paint a picture.

I was invited by Sam and Brian, to go to Club XS in Green Bay. Why I decided to go, I'm still left with that question. It was a bar type of setting, which made me feel extremly uncomfortable. Yet the music was so-so. I was expecting more of a Park Central type but to my understanding, it was trashy and skanky. Coming out of that place felt awesome, because I knew I would be at sleeping in my very own bed for the first time that weekend. Yet, having my clothes smell like an ashtry was very discomforting.

Yikes, looking at what I wrote above, I seem to have written alot, along with my addiction of adding "commas" everywhere. I probably have enough to write a whole chapter of my year in review.

accomplishment?

hmmm, let's see. I never really thought about putting up a blog post this afternoon, but I did write up something in wordpad. It's pretty much a "what if" story. A What if I had a car for the summer type of story. Here it goes......

Seeing that my lease for my apartment starts in June with my friends, I kinda wanna plan on being there most of the summer. I'm paying for it, so why should I not live there for the majority of the summer.

The idea of getting a car came to me, but i dont know....

If i had a car, I would most definatly be at home on the weekends (drive home friday night.. work 3rd shift friday night, and saturday night, sleep sunday morning and half of the afternoon, and leave sheboygan by 3pm.)

During the weekdays, I would (hopefully) have a job in Oshkosh. I could do the computer labs, but would that be enough? I highly doubt I would be a student intern with Academic Computing, though I wish I would have known they did a series of interviews sometime last semester. Damn Academic Computing and their lack of communication within the Help Desk. )=

The story is not complete, due to multi-tasking. Seriously i had like 10 different thoughts running through my mind as I was working and trying to go through them all. I feel that I didnt get as much done as I wanted to at work. =( The one thing I did get to do was purchase a new ringtone, but I wished i could have looked for some PDAs or PocketPCs though. )=

Lather Me Up!

Alright, today marks the day of my first Aderrall pill and everybody's worst day, Friday the 13th. I can't really say much about being on the pill, (only because it hasn't impacted anything yet) but I noticed a slight change in myself at work and during my lecture.

After work, all these questions about my perscription and my other health situation came to me. Like always, the best way to not forget these questions, would be to write them down on a sheet of paper and stick it in my pocket so that I can refer to it later.

During lecture, I took more notes than usual. I don't know if it's because of these meds, but It could be. But I definately felt more focused and actually wanting to speak with the professor after class, in which he gave me more information that I vaguely remember about ADHD and the medication I'm on, including a few tips/suggestions for the upcoming exam.

I went to the Health Center for the third time this week, but for a different issue that was on my mind. wheather or not the "belly-rash" on my stomach is because lactose intollerant to certan dairy products. From what the doctor said, the "belly-rash" is completely different. ( /sigh) For the next two weeks, I get to lather up my belly with a special shampoo! Different I suppose, but thats the doctor's orders. On top of that, "cheese" is my body's worst nightmare. But that can be helped, yay! For times where I'm going to be eating any dairy products, I need to consume 1-2 Lactaid pills before I consume these dairy products.

But ehh, I think I learned more about myself this week than any other week this year. Which is all good, because I'm getting some form of treatment. =) But I still think i need some way of organizing my life. I just hope that I can find a really nice PocketPC or PDA to suit my needs. The only downfall to having a gadget like this, is that its quite expensive. But I know that it'll be for the best of me.

wow'zers

It came to me at five in the morning (for the record, I was working a 1am-5am shift.. just because I felt like it) that I had a doctor's appointment scheduled during my newscast. (in which, I was the announcer, not the writer) Boy o Boy, how the hell did this happen? The only answer I can probably come up with is the lack of a organization tool. (PDA/Palm/Pocket PC, student planner, or a calendar)

Luckily the professor sympathized and allowed me to not do the broadcasting of the newscast. He insisted that this doctor's appointment will be for the best of me. (which, God I hope will be the best)

Besides that, the professor gave us another assignment that's due from now and until the last day of classes. So now I have three or four? assignments to do by the last day of classes. (final exam, televsion package, radio package, and this interview assignment) Yikes!

no more b/w for me

alright I've decided that the black and white layout for my blog has to go. Buh-bye to "emo-timmy." Now only if I can find a decent picture of myself in color for the blog. (=

I wish Blogger had the font, "Century Gothic" because I would soo totally use it.

Arial is crap
Courier is crap
Georgia is crap
Lucida Grande is crap
Times is crap
Webdings is worthless

Trebuchet is alright.
Trebuchet is alright.(smaller is a bit better)

Verdana is alright.
Verdana is alright. (smaller is a bit better)

So what would u perfer? Trebuchet? or Verdana?

medications

9:40am - arrival at the Health Center
10:00am - finished the 2 questionnaires that dealt with my appointment
10:10am - finally got called by a nurse to be placed in a room
*-_-* sat in room for a good 30-40 minutes minding my own business, waiting for the doctor.
Things I did to accompany myself were: Rustling with the paper sheets with my feet and produced a sound that synchronized with the movement of my feet, WHILE staring at a frog with wings.
10:45am - doctor Swanson finally came in. (gee golly i was bored out of my mind, somehow I wondered if there was a camera watching my every movement. But i knew there wasn't. Still it would have been funny to recap those 30-40 minutes of sheer boredom.

Apparently the doctor had not discussed the situation with Kim, the counselor. Yikes, one would of thought that a week and a few days would have been enough time to talk about over the phone for a brief amount of time.

Medications will be the treatment, yet it's not as cheap as you may think it is. Adderal XR (12 hour) costs $150 per month, without insurance and $20-$30 per month with insurance. If no insurance fits the policy (God I hope I get insurance) then there is the "generic" brands. By Generic I mean, talking more than one pill a day, which can be god-awful hard for people with ADHD, like myself. It's cheaper in the long run but gosh, lets pray that I don't have to take that route.

My so called, "next appointment" has be scheduled for Thursday at 3:30pm. But something tells me that I'm going tommrrow some time. The doctor even sayd that I should/try to schedule and appointment for tommrrow, but there were no openings due to Dr. Swanson being on "walk-in" duty for most of the day. I think I'm going to go during those time and rather than the scheduled appointment.

I just hope that the medication that I will (as the doctor says) get, will help me out with alot of things going on in my life. Especially my academics. The end of the semester (finals week) is gonna come by so fast and I hope I'm prepared. Perhaps I need to purchase a PDA/Palm Pilot to better organize my things to do, and my schedule. Only thing is, what brand, and how much I'm willing to fork over for this investment. I guess that will be determined later. Fo

blah blah blah blah.......

instead of writing up a whole blog post lets just list some ideas.

doctor's appointment this tuesday for my adhd

glasses broke (possible eye doctor appointment for new lenses & freme and/or contacts)

my lack of completing my newscast, proffessor talk

ugh i dont know... soo much crap going on, maybe sometime today I'll finish this post.

Nicole should of used to express her confusion and stress. But I'm sure we all can relate to Homer in this picture.

Three Cheers for Homer Simpson! =)

snowflake

Don't know where to start about last nite, but seeing Snow Patrol live (along with Silversun Pickups and OKGO) at the rave was an unusual experience for me. It was great going with friends but the 2 opening acts whom I had no idea who they were when they played kinda sucked. Guys screaming into the mics is something I don't enjoy to much. I think I was moreintrigued by the ceiling during the two opening acts. There were songs from OKGO that Mark enjoyed, ones that involved alot of energy, which i did with him.

I never knew the songs, Snow Patrol played that night but Chasing Cars was the only one I knew well enough to actually know the lyrics. Any other song was like, "bop my head up and down, the occasional jump and be hyper, and the common "put your hands up in the air". For the record, I did not sing, I screamed more than I sing. I doregret screaming though, but what the hell, it was fun. Maybe next I might wanna go to Club Vision with Mark and Angie.Driving to the concert was more fun than driving home. You have ALOT more energy and enthusiasm when your on route to the concert. Driving home sucked. Everyone had an iPod but me, so I was by myself and the road. It was tough, but two cans of Monster Energy pulled me through it. At first I didnt have the radio on because it was set to only play in the back, and when I did turn on the radio, Nate and Sara would complain how loud it was. I tried to adjust the settings but I didnt know how. Eric was half asleep and I didn't wanna wake him. I hate to say it, but once or twice (i dont remember) i did drift to the right, but thank god Sara mentioned something. (geez, tired timmy with 3 hours of sleep the night before)


Driving home was Looonnnggg..... but we survived. we got back in Oshkosh around 2am and I think everyone went straight to bed. All I hope is that Eric gets enough sleep so that he can make his 11:30 class today. Driving in pitch darkness really sucks. It's almost has if you were driving into space or whatever. It felt weird, but again we made it. One of the converstations me and Eric were talking was about the arena system in WoW. Something i might persue because getting a Karazhan invite for one night out of the whole week is getting depressing, especially when I do signup and I don't get an invite.

Now only if the picture to the right would be a gnome. Gladiator Gear FTW!

Im a fish out of water

ohh boy do I ever feel like I'm gonna cry right now. I dont know why, but I'm soo confused, as if I'm a fish who is out of it's fishbowl.

I was given a project in class to write the news at 4pm on WRST and I'm lost. I "think" i have articles that are newsworthy for the four o'clock news but its almost seems like I'm copying straight from them. Why? I have no clue. Almost seems like I'm afraid of something.

We're required to put in "sound-bytes" into the articles, and I have no idea where to start. I do kinda know how to use the "getner(sp?)" (the thing u record telephone conversations with) Perhaps I'm just worried about calling the person and getting denied of a quote, thus leaving my article incomplete.

Was I suppose to reserve the editing room ahead of time so that I can get these quotes? Ugh, probably so. Only wish i had a partner, especially if this is the first time I've been exposed to a situation like this (in a broadcast news setting)

Like they always say, "Two heads are better than one."

how are you? i guess i'm alright.

Someone asks you, "how are you?" What's your usual response? Some say excellent or very bad, but most say alright I guess.

I've kinda wondered why I would lie about this simple question. At times I may be doing horrible or too damn tired to answer the question. But that's still not good enough, at least I can hope. I rarely say, "I'm doing great! Thanks for Asking." but then again I'm I worried about the follow-up questions? Which is why I tend to say, "idk", short for "I dont know".


Theres six weeks left in this semester and I need to end it strong. During my meeting with my counselor, we have concluded that I speak to Dr. Swanson in the health center about the possibility for medication. The thing I hope for is that the meds will do something. I know it's not an instant fix, it's gonna take more time. :( All I know is that it could be information leading to the decision for meds, which this week will determine. In group today, the topic for discussion is "Medications" and I'm very eager to listen in on the group's experiences with meds.

Hopefully today, I'll be more comfortable talking and ask questions. =)

I was walking home from class this morning for lunch and all these fascinating ideas popped in my head. (strange how you can get weird ideas just by walking or taking a shower isn't it?)

To comment on the girl who complained how cold it was when she stepped outside, maybe you should consider a warmer jacket and pants that reached your feet. Having shoes instead of "flip-flops" would also help too. Complaining about that it's cold is pointless. You live in Wisconsin, suck it up. Homeless people are better at surviving in the cold than this girl. :|

Just approaching my warm house, it just came to me how people use the "side entrance" of their house more than the "front entrance." I never figured out why, but just seems strange. Back at home, we use the back entrance more than the front. Reason why? I have no clue. It seems like the front door is used most for checking mail, greeting welcomed guests, Jehovah's Witnesses, door to door salespeople, girl/boy scouts selling crap that you don't need and the usual pervert that you meet online.(no u may not come in!)

Ehh, I was gonna talk about how people seem to take shortcuts when walking. Especially on campus when it snows and you can visibly see the shortcuts people take? (i wished i had a camera to take a picture of this, which is another reason, "Why I want a Digital Camera."